Within the Realm of Newness

I recently bore witness to a beautiful caul birth. This tiny little human was born fully encased within the caul and proved to me once again the astounding ability for consciousness. Upon crowning, this tiny human turned to face his Mama's right thigh and opened his eyes. Within two more pushes the rest of his body was out and the membranes were still intact. His eyes, still open, seemed to hold the world's knowledge within him as he floated in his cocoon. His Mama sat up and tore a piece of the membrane to lift her new son out and as she brought him up to her chest the membranes hooked around his feet.

His emergence was nothing short of spectacular. Here he was, earthside, still encapsulated by the membranes yet very much a part of the outside world. He immediately bore witness to his Mama's experience. His hands reached up to her face and his cry relaxed her body completely. She eased back onto the bed and as she did so he fell to below the level of her breasts and rested. Mama was silent, regulating her breathing and her birth attendants honoured her wishes of no hat. After a few more minutes of rest, Mama lifted her head to look at her son and he went searching....his stepping reflex allowed him to start his crawl to her breast.

When a tiny human reaches the breast, their cry will often become louder and this wee man's did. He sputtered and cleared mucous a few times and rocked his head side to side until his mouth came into contact with his Mama's nipple. At that point he lifted his head and bobbed about for a few minutes. The whole time, his Mama validated his experience. "I see you moving so well...you are so strong....you can do it...just a little bit further...that's it, you've got it...you are on....you are drinking!" Once again, her body relaxed deeper into the bed. A few minutes later she announced that she felt her cramps picking up and we reminded her that she would feel that as her tiny human fed. She took some deep breaths....and her wee man sighed. She shifted her body to get comfortable....her tiny human settled in to feed again. It was only seconds later Mama announced she could feel her placenta and it slipped out into the waiting bowl. Once her uterus was checked and she was washed, had gone pee and climbed back into clean sheets she sat and looked at her son on the bed. It was as if she, awash in his newness, had just laid eyes on him again for the very first time. "Oh look at you" she smiled. "You are so amazing. Your Papa and I love you so much."  With tears in her eyes she looked to her partner and he smiled and kissed her forehead. Her son, so quiet, so peaceful and so wide awake was taking it all in - this realm of newness belied his amazing awareness. His Mama picked him back up, snuggled him on her chest and asked me if I had had a good look at him. "Oh I really did," I said. "Isn't he amazing?" she asked. I replied that he certainly is amazing and that he really loved her, to which she said "I know...I can feel it. I can't believe he was born the way he was, that was so cool." I responded, as did one of her nurses, that it indeed was very cool. I left her with a kiss and a promise to check in within a few hours. I drove home- all the while languishing in those first few moments of this wee man's life as he inhabited the last few minutes of his gestation in his watery world.

The beauty of a birth like this never leaves you. Even today, as I did a home visit with this new family I felt like I was almost trespassing on the magic that they have filtering in and out of their lives. The beautiful connections forged by our tiny humans render me speechless at times. Within the realm of newness is a chance to bear witness to so much beauty. That beauty is the essence of our human-ness and the altering of our own consciousness, brought about by the tiniest of teachers.

 

With much love,

Carol xo

Revel in Your Mamaing

Revel in the days that you can't wait for night, for bedtime.

Revel in the space between dark and dawn, for the syncopation of slumbering sighs.

Revel in the hatred of all things some days- for healthy anger benefits everyone.

Revel in the languished kisses, the broken coupling of anxious hearts and touched out nerves of each day.

Revel in the understimulation of the nubile mind and the unbending piles of laundry.

Revel in the latent screams of dinner rejected, again- for midnight shots of Irish cream liquer to lull your slumber.

Revel in the ample heaviness of hearts torn open as communication breaks down.

Revel in the inability to deal with one more tantrum - for you are drawn into the disjointed fray.

Revel in the unending streams of snot on frozen mittens at the bus stop and ice crystals on your now gone cold coffee.

Revel in the stretched, tight skin of your bulging belly as the life within you rolls directly onto your bladder.

Revel in the relief of the last push and the kinetic energy of the tiny human mewing on your chest- open your eyes Mama and let your tiny human bear witness to your Mamahood.

Revel in the sense of that beating heart within you for you are enough. You are enough for all that you will encounter, all that you will be drawn into, all that you will prove resilient enough to weather.

Revel in the darkness of  transient haunting thoughts we all become victims of. Revel in your ability to be lifted from the depths by your own damn strength.

Revel and live and love and laugh. Cry and dress rehearse tragedy and fret and feel.

Revel in the wholeness of your weary spirit and the love you are worthy of. Roll those R's Mamas - RRRRREVEL. For we are all worthy of all that we feel and experience- for those experiences are ours.

The Tantrum Class!

Tantrums are a very normal part of childhood development...our ability to cope with them, however, leaves us feeling like having our own meltdowns. In this 2.5 hour class we will discuss the rationale (in toddlers eyes) for tantrums, the root causes of them, how to not take them personally and how to navigate the triggers for tantrums. The class comes with two weeks of follow up support for your family. Wednesday, May 6, 7-9:30 pm. Email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca to register. Cost is $85.00

"I'm Done": Musings on the hard days of being a Mama

One day, seventeen years ago on a Saturday morning I opened my eyes and thought "I cannot do this again." The mere thought of waking up and juggling the needs of three children absolutely side swiped me. I could not get out of bed. I said to my husband "You need to take care of the kids and take them out....I cannot cope, I cannot fathom doing everything that I do every single day one more time."  I spent the rest of the morning wrapped in a sheet, lying on the middle of the family room floor. I did not stay in bed because I actually thought I needed to at least get out of bed...and made it as far as the family room floor.

There are days that you are done. So very done. The exhaustion cannot be evaluated in any way but by the insurmountable feelings on your heart, your soul, your psyche. When you are done- bone weary exhausted- everything is so heavy. The constant "on" of mothering - wiping bums, noses and faces, responding to every single "why" and breaking up fights weighs heavy day in and day out. The hamster wheel of routine and no acknowledgement of anything you have accomplished feels like a sledge hammer to the head....pushing you further under the heap of "to do."  Being screamed at, up multiple times a night to feed, console, wipe (again), change sheets and banish monsters cannot be soothed by all the coffee in the universe. Constantly holding, carrying and  nursing a child can leave you "touched out." Spending hours preparing and cooking meals to be told "I don't like this" can feel like a total assault on your sense of self- especially if your child "eats absolutely everything" at your Mom's house. It is so hard to not take it all so personally. We can't, Mamas.....

These little humans are all consuming. They truly are. Fulfilling the needs of another human being (or two, or three!) is a huge undertaking. It can weigh heavy on your soul and there are days you will absolutely want to get off the Mama bus. Do it. When you feel this way, do it. Have your partner, your friend, your sister, your own parents or in laws take your children. Have them out of the house for a few hours. Wonders can happen here.

About one hour into lying in the family room wrapped in a sheet (because it felt safe- it felt like I could block out any stimuli) I began to realize that I could just lie there. Just lie and be quiet. And then I breathed. I breathed in. I breathed out. I relaxed my face, shoulders, back, legs and arms and sank into the floor. The dam broke open and the tears just streamed. For the next hour I cried over all that I needed to. I needed to cry about it all. Thoughts needed to be put in order, stories had to be investigated (Am I done? No, I am not done, I could never be done being their Mama....I am just tired. So tired. I just need time. Just to breathe. I need help. This is hard. I need to be heard. I need a voice that reminds me that I too have needs. Oh, that feels better. Big breath. Oh shit, this is hard. I love them. I am exhausted. This is so hard!  I can go back to this. I can.) The underlying feeling in all of these huge feelings was a voice saying "Things need to change."

My partner came home with our children later in the day and I was back in bed. He fed the kids after I cuddled and kissed and spoke with each of them. Then we talked. We talked about how much I was trying to accomplish each day, how I felt like I always had to be busy, how my "job" as their Mama was so vast....and how I needed to reduce its vastness. We worked hard, I worked hard, I sought out help from my best friend (who to this day is my go to for anything Mama based.... CH you are my people...) and we opened up our communication every single day. "How was your day?" was either answered in front of the children or it wasn't- it all depended on how it really was. Some days it was not pretty. Some days, it was an ode to joy. The more I acknowledged the hard days, my expansion for the joyful moments grew. Fully accepting all of the emotions of motherhood and not feeling any guilt around them absolutely allowed my "vastness" of being a Mama to be reduced and my capacity for joy to become expansive. We need to be real, Mamas. We are not alone. There are days we do feel done. Talk about them and all of the feelings and emotions surrounding them. Sit in these feelings and let them grow...they have so much to say to you. Have someone listen to you and bear witness to your emotions. We are here,  we will listen.

 

With much love,

Carol xoxo