To enter our dinner for two giveaway all you have to do is leave your comment here on the blog and let us know about how love has helped you, affected you or surprised you since you have become a Mama. One comment will win dinner for two from EatGreen Organics delivered to your door this Saturday. All you have to do is heat up the chef prepared meal and enjoy. xoxo
Be Kind to Yourself
Be Kind to Yourself…
Did you have visions of what your birth would look like? Did you have specific thoughts on how life with your baby would look ? How maternity leave would look ? How you would act and feel as a new mother? How your new family would function? Did you daydream while pregnant, rubbing your pregnant belly, staring out in space anticipating for the moment you went into labour…excited to start this new transformation in your life?
Well, I did…
And a lot of what I had envisioned was so far from my reality that it completely shook me at a core level.
My beautiful home birth that I had wanted so desperately and envisioned night after night, did not happen. It was and always will be a part of my birth experience, but not the end result I had hoped for.
I felt robbed…
I blamed myself…
When I returned home, I was hurting, scared, confused, angry, filled with overwhelming love, happy beyond words, excited, joyful, nervous, sleep deprived, hungry and already longing for something that seemed “normal” for me to desperately grab on to.
I have beautiful memories of what it felt like living in my bed with my newborn son, him only wearing a diaper with skin-to-skin around the clock. The sun was shining and my husband was home catering to me with food, water and love and not a significant worry in the world. Welcoming close loved ones into my bedroom to share in my new love.
And then shit got real…I think I was living in a fog or some kind of honeymoon phase. My husband went back to work and I had to do this on my own!?!?! The thoughts that were entering into my head, the fear that filled my soul were so bone shaking scary. I kept what was going on for me a secret, or at least tried to. I think I was in denial or disbelief. Why was this happening to me? I am an educated woman, a social worker, my role in my family and my professional life is to help and support people…why me? I struggled with postpartum depression and was plagued with intrusive thoughts…I feared letting anyone hold my baby, I was obsessed with how people were perceiving me – as a person and as a mother, I tried to put on a mask and searched for a “new normal”.
I lost myself…horribly.
This impacted every relationship in my life…
Not all days were great, not all minutes were horrible. The only thing I really knew for sure was that I loved my baby. My postpartum journey took many paths – both wonderful and unnerving. Thankfully, my loving support network was there when I fell, stumbled, ran away or ready to embrace me when my face was smiling!
Every day is a new day. Every minute and every second are new minutes and new seconds. Please be kind to yourself.
Please do not shame yourself for that thought you just had that created some negativity for you. Please be kind to yourself. Let go of the shame, let go of the self-hatred, let go of whatever you want to let go of, whatever you need to let go of. Hold on to your baby, your loves in your life…your light.
Today, I let go of shame. I have no regrets about my paths, my journey. This helped shape who I am… and I am proud. Proud to be my son’s Mama.
Be Kind to Yourself… Take a breath, or two. Breathe in kindness and love to yourself and exhale what does not bring you life. I am sure you would want this for your child… you deserve it too Mamas!
This is my mantra. I say it to myself every morning, before I go to bed and probably several times more in between.
I know this is not everyone’s experience; however I thought I would share mine. If it resonates with you, I hope it brings you comfort. You are not alone.
Xoxox Much love to you all Mamas.
Jess
“we are not meant to be perfect; we’re meant to be whole” ~ Jane Fonda
Toddlers to Teens: Not Much Difference In How We Parent! The Toddler and Teen Classes for November!
We hear the terms "terrible twos, trying threes, challenging fours" to describe toddlers all the time. Fast forward to adolescence and you will hear "kids of today are so ______________" and they are "so rebellious, so ungrateful, don't know how good they have it" and are "entitled." I call bullshit. Children, no matter their age, are a direct reflection of what we have taught them to be. In parenting our Toddlers we are also parenting our teens. The empathy we show our toddlers cements our relationships with our teenagers. The trust we build with our toddlers fosters a connected relationship with our teens. Not rocket science, is it? Parenting is hard. Navigating the road from toddlers to teens is more like a cross country run - lots of uphills, lots of careening corners, stuck in the mud river crossings, low lying shrubbery that leaves marks - and at the end of some days sheer exhaustion. Both of our classes will help you understand your children and meet them where they are. Each class will offer you the tools you need to stay connected with your children, to foster repair to the relationship and help you stay calm, validated and more relaxed in your parenting journey.
The Toddler Class
Is your life hectic with your toddler?
Do you find it hard to communicate with your toddler?
Is discipline something you are having a hard time working out?
Is sleep an issue?
This popular, informative class will help you understand what your toddler is going through – emotionally, spiritually and developmentally and will give you the tools to deepen your connection with your toddler and communicate more effectively with them!
Class Fee – $75
Saturday November 15
12-4pm
Email Carol at Kilty67@sympatico.ca to register.
Teens: Navigating Your Parenting Journey, Cementing and Repairing The Relationship and Keeping Your Cool In The Age of Technology
Teens are amazing, loving, confusing, brilliant and our biggest life lessons! Our teen class runs on Thursday November 6th from 7-9:30 pm. Both parents are welcome to attend for the same fee. $75. Email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca to register.
New Birth Worker Training!
We will be running our Perinatal Support Practitioner (birth and more! worker) training starting in January and running until June. The program will consist of Friday/Saturday or Friday or Saturday training usually from 10am-4pm. You will be shadowing in our breastfeeding support clinic, attending our parenting classes, receive mentorship in your labour support roles and will be part of our community based learning. In total there will be in class days with homework, self-directed learning and lots of great learning opportunities. For more information or to apply for a spot in the program, email Carol at kilty67@sympatico.ca. We will start interviews next week. Cheers and birthy love, Carol
As Your Baby Goes To School For The First Time
September can quickly start to feel like New Year for Mamas as our babies go to school for the first time. Our minds will race - "What if he needs me at bathroom time? What if she sits beside the mean girl at circle time? What if anxiety runs so high that she won't eat her lunch?" and 9 million more thoughts flood our psyche, cause our blood pressure to spike and our guts to turn.
Take a breath, Mama. Remember a time you have not felt like this? I know I always felt like this. "Should we try to get pregnant now? How will I deal with having a winter baby? What happens if I start to bleed in the pregnancy? What if I don't get my midwife at my birth? How do I know if my baby is getting enough of my breast milk? Should we vaccinate? Do I need to sign us up for infant sign language? We start solids when? "
Every single second of every single day is a huge learning curve. More so, I believe, for us. These tiny little dependant souls need us to be on, to be aware, to be constantly engaging our thought processes and to be looking out for them. What they don't need is us to be fully enthralled in worrying about them. They are hard wired to connect and succeed, Mamas. They are going to be just fine. They are more confident about change than we are. We got them this far, right?
Think of what you have accomplished up to this point. You grew them, you birthed them, you nurtured, loved and protected them. You have given them a firm place from which to launch and a soft place to land. That is all you need to continue to do. Breathe, respond....and by doing so you will provide acknowledgement, validation and empowerment to your school age child.
In those first few days, don't overwhelm them with questions about their day. There is a lot of stimulation going on for them! New environments, new people, new routines....these are big challenges for ever growing brains and amount to lots of stimulation! At the end of the school day, you are the soft place to land. A simple "I am so happy to see you" is enough to let all of the stresses of the day slide off...and when they are ready to talk, they will. Bombarding your school age child with a million questions will exhaust them - and will in fact cause them to either cry, cling to you or become even more overwhelmed. Offer a drink (because they will probably in fact be a bit dehydrated) a snack and "gather them up" by holding space and sitting with them. Let it be relaxed for as long as your child needs it to be. This ritual can become a huge pressure valve, a great way to re-connect and an important way to confirm your child's attachment with you. Watch what it can do for you too.
Be brave, Mamas. You have done stellar work. You are loved, appreciated and oh so worthy. Trust that and know we are sending you so much love on this journey that we call being a Mama.
With much love,
the Babies Naturally team. xoxoxo